George Michael said “there are two types of people in this world, those that have lost and those that have not” – It’s mother day today and instead of feeling happy I feel sad, as I won’t be able to see or speak to mine. I think until you’ve lost your mum or perhaps a grandmother, you are unaware of the profound effect this day can have on you. Now I’m being incredibly transparent in my feelings here, but since losing mine 7 years ago things really have never been the same. I always bypass all the Mother’s Day paraphernalia and cards in the shops; keep walking. I don’t need to be reminded that I haven’t got a living mum anymore. I don’t feel happy and I don’t feel resentful when I see all of it I just feel it’s not for me.
My mum was the most unassuming, epitome of loveliness. As I’ve recorded in previous blogs she had kindness and hospitality in her soul. Her Catholic faith was very important to her (in fact she met Dad outside the church in St Johns Wood back in 1953), but she practiced her Christian values outside of the church. I would ask her what she wanted for a gift and her response was usually ‘Oil of Olay, a pair of washing up gloves, or Atrixo hand cream’. Unlike me she was uninterested in clothes and fashion – she didn’t need to be because was naturally beautiful and her inner beauty shone through. She just got on with being a Mum to us seven kids and rarely complained, although I know my Dad frustrated her at times. She had a beautiful singing voice and I remember her always singing around the house. She also had a love of ballroom dancing, and would often go out dancing and leave Dad babysitting; the apple never falls far from the tree eh! She was very passionate about remembering her parents grave in Ireland. However, I don’t associate my mum being in her grave and rarely visit.
Today, on Mothering Sunday, being a ‘mum’ myself I keep being reminded that my kids want to celebrate or keep this special day for me, as an expression of their love. So this morning I was greeted with 4 cards, one from Molly and 3 from George as he couldn’t make a decision which one! George fully dressed in his pink piglet onesie for book day which arrived over a week late and Molly in pink underwear, and every envelope was pink too – (other colours are available!) With a smile on my face I beamed, I read every word out loud, giggled with them and know how privileged I am to have them and how lucky they are to have me too. I chose to have them and must be mindful that I am going to be half their biggest influence in their lives.. As I reflect on all of the above I get it now; my mum lives on in me and that is magical.